Born out of darkness.... isolated, tormented. Memories of his hell replay continuously....in his mind. He finds no solace except confiding music. No one can be trusted. He hides himself away from weariness, hatred, ignorance. Fighting the horror that burns within & outside of him. His battle knows no end. His 1 fear is only of himself. A rain of negativity saturates him in every direction. He returns not, let the consequences be what they may. He could not return if he would. His sole thought is immediate escape. He turns his back forever, ashamed of those with tremendous stupidity. Lost in reveries of death, failure, solutions & betrayal. Doubting the care & fidelity of the dearest friends. With a microphone ever so embraced within his hand, listen closely to the tales of his isolated incidents. He is known as Maniacal V, the Lycan of Pain, Tha V-E-C-T. But none know him better then.... VECT

You can enter my mind but you're not advised. & if something happens to ya, no one will hear your cries. My cares get shorter, day by the day. For years people changed me, you made me this way. Gotta get the mic, some don't know what it's like. I got the power surge vocally settin' it off high. In your face with the bass, my time ain't a waste. You wanna feel tha V, shut yo' mouth after ya get a taste. I'm falling every month, nothing ever changes. Deprived in my mind, speaking my language. I give the fight to survive on with all my might. People keep bringing me down left & right. This place is sickly deranged. All I can say is welcome to my pain. You're in another universe, that's my brain. Getting ya worried & panicked 'cause it's so strange. My world you will see what's wrong or right. & some shit may scare ya an awful fright. Things are gone & they're so used. If you're the kind I hate, we now begin the abuse. My mind is a landmine to snap, that's a fact. Watch what you do & step back. Pain dungeon, that's from life. Very strife, I never ever said it was nice. Didn't say it once, I said it most my life. In this life my back knows the weapon, the knife. All I ever needed was bliss. I never get it & I get pissed & squeeze my fists. Tha s-k-8-p-e-g-o-a-t Reaching for heaven but God must hate me. A design for my bliss, I can never get close. I feel like an empty soul, so, I'm a ghost. Slide the 'phones on to hear my message. Purely put & simple so you won't be guessin'. Open the door, look into my pain. & see the rancid lake from where it all came. When my day comes that I'm all done. Should be the day I'm floating like the sun. Hear the words of a depressive. Y'all who judge me will learn a fuckin' lesson. Hard times then I die seem to be the story. I'm not going out without fightin' for glory. I trusted & tried so much, now it's enough. The good side to me at its end, in the dust. Disappointment is my cell mate. I can't break out either 'cause it's hell's fate. Hey, ya think I'm whining? Then, fuck ya! Don't even listen if you're a hating punk bitch. Play this music & your mind gets wrecked. 4 letters mutherfucker & they spell "VECT." I'll take you on a ride like when you're all boozed. My own worst fate is I was born 2 lose. So much to try but I feel it'll never happen. Because my life always has that weak traction. So much pain I could write a book. Come see the hated 1 & take a look. Welcome to the Pain of Tha V-E-C-T... Welcome to the Pain of Maniacal V...

In this life it's me, nobody around, never found, underground. Wicked sounds in my mind, escape the backstab & lies. I'm livin' in pain every day, can't refrain my days in vain. I see a cliff in my midst, God, I wanna jump away. So alone, so bored, so emotionally sore. Still think it's best sometimes that I was never born. I'm so deprived, born to lose, sick of being used. Don't tell me it's my fault when it isn't what I choose. As I always have, I know I gotta strive. Try to revamp while I'm walking thin lines. Abandoned & left behind right in the dirt. Whether I'm a maniac or not it still hurt. If it weren't for the hard times, there wouldn't be any. If you don't understand me don't dismiss it as petty. Whenever I get something good, it's smacked out my hand. That's the curse I live with must be someone's plan. Here to myself & this empty hell inside. Returning thoughts of suicide & leave it all behind. In the mirror with the Ruger aimed to my brain. Losing more sanity, yes, I'm insane. & I'm alone, I'm alone, all alone... How much more? Want no more to feel sore as before. Always torn, proceed to fail, need a bail, like a jail. Sick of it all & all of people's crap. How much will I take till I go all out & snap? All that ran out on me were bitches & stale. I live the sad life of nonstop betrayal. Don't you understand? I didn't choose this fate. But it's what I take the best of it I make. Pain is all really, I ever truly had. Fuck a pity party, these are the true facts. Never had anyone there to truly care. & when I did, they disappeared on me in thin air. A messed-up depressive, guess that's all I got left. Living with the emptiness making me a mess. I'd rather drop it all right now & give up & die. Whatever happens I don't care I got no fear inside. & I'm alone, I'm alone, all alone...

As I look in silence at the sky picturing it filled with gas. I want this whole fuckin' planet to feel my oblivious wrath. Sickening visions enter like incisions of supreme danger. Revenge is a high belief inside my violent mind & nature. Ultimate payback, damage slices & cracks. In my dome the world's under attack with no repent just my laugh. I'm at the end of my rage nobody will evade all must pay. For lies & times betrayed, bullets impale your brain. Like a migraine, violence my game punishment I've craved. I am no toy or pawn, settle for nothing to challenge me on. Wishing to deliver the biggest consummation. Chaos from each other ongoing termination. Erase the nation, living here kills patience. Choose no side when a war rages. Conspired hypocrisy earth brought to me. But I won't & don't stop there's a lot to see. (chorus) Thoughts of destruction are building. To destroy tha world. Wishing & anticipating. To destroy tha world. Laws written but destroyed & crushed by their own creators. Breaking the crowns, titles & arms of these dictator fuckin' traitors. I've grown exhausted, faith I lost it, wild like a mosh pit, humans too much talk shit. Incubated hatred, life taken, Zitrone is fully awakened. Never abided by the right ways or consequences, screw defenses. The gavel in my fist fed up & pissed laying down the sentence. For me, it's my alternative to lose control. To end the world that's cold & see from there where we go. Lose more every day, fuck what they say, Armageddon needs to hurry its way. Wake up & realize that we're already poisoned, doomed & plagued. You think there's a way to fix the problems? Well, so do I. Taking it under an immense blow torch & laugh as it crackles & fries. Priests & teachers are the creatures of features. Everything is rotting, so, I'm finishing it off 1 more time is all. I've grown exhausted living in this filth. Ridding existence & lies for years of being nothing but ill. Thoughts of setting this contorted nation straight into flames. The leaders that are delirious playing nothing but stupid games. My idea & contribution is to reformat this whole unit. To see once again if we'll again go through this. Take down the law, take down the system, take down the rules. There is no justice, there is no equality, there is no paid dues. This planet is a rotten & forgotten unburied stinkin' corpse. Sure hope there's a better 1 somewhere 'cause this 1's far too warped.

I'm lost like hell, never knew what to be. With no help but left behind when they said they were family. How can it be so tough? I just wanna get away from the fiction & junk, because I've had so much. Always shot down with the title of a loser. Locked in a void with emotional abusers. I'm a chooser of the path, but it never goes straight. People act like my problems just have no weight. I been alone so long to make fierce decisions. Didn't know what to do with my unclear visions. In my brain I felt little to gain. I don't know how it goes, the shotgun has been blown & all I know is pain. I been in circles with bullshit, never goes away. As much as I elude it, it straddles & I'm blamed. Can't get away, I can never win. I try so hard, but nothing ever seems to wanna fuckin' give. (Chorus) Guess I'm lost. God, I'm lost. Guess I'm lost. I'm so lost. Still, I think to this day, should I change? To fuck myself up more & mess with my brain? Just to please you & be you & still be hated? I'd rather keep it maniacal 'cause you'd only betray it. I'm still trying to make something of myself, believe me. Hard to do when so many are ready to deceive me. Lookin' at me, you see a old lonely soul. Keepin' it as strong as I can to stay in control. I really can't explain the evil built inside. When I'm expressin' my depression, I don't ever lie. I beat myself up for my errors when they're so small. I ain't perfect, don't wanna be, so don't be taunting me. I get cheated, defeated, I just can't believe it. Work so hard but bad luck stays repeated. It's like my mind is a line I try to keep straight. Jumpin' over garbage but I land headfirst on the gate. Born with challenges, my disabilities. Being a saint is impossible therefore I'm the villain V. Sometimes I wish she was here so I could ask my mother. Also, got no comfort with no significant other. All I wanna do is grip this mic & pour out my heart. To help people that have dealt & pull more out the dark. Drop song after song till I can no longer breathe. Then lay in my coffin holdin' onto a V. I got 1 reason to live, let's keep it at this: No music, no life, I hope I'll be leavin' some prints. I'm smashing through any block or hault in my path. & you're goin' down with it if you collar me, man. I don't need your sympathy, nor do I beg. 'Cause I fight what I can, that's every day. If you feel my tragedies, then all I can say is you feel my pain & you got my biggest thanks.

It's about 10 O clock thinking' sittin' in the dark. Of how many times my hopes ripped apart. Pondering ideal thoughts something pleasant. Got 2 bucks to my name livin' like a peasant. Still thinking' of my old unreached dreams. Falling slow but deeper I can only scream. Misunderstood by whoever I speak to. Hope is something I no longer seek through. My dream is crushing but I keep busting. I beat myself in the head as I'm cussing. When hope builds & flies all around. It falls from the sky dead on the ground. Shattered hopes & dreams by the slicer. For every time I thought things would get nicer. Worried thoughts run all through my head. I wanna keep it silent & cool but then I'd have to pretend. (chorus) Every time I hope. It brings me hurt. 'Cause every time I do it. It becomes cursed. Everyone calls me negative 'cause I have no faith. What's faith? I hoped like you said it never went your way. It's like firing a gun straight up to the sky. & watching the bullet land straight in my eye. I prepare for & expect the worst. Nowadays that's the way I gotta be. 'Cause things are ugly been too much to see. My name ain't fiction its maniacal V. & this ain't a fairytale, it's l-i-f-e. I don't need to have my heart set on something I need. I lost too much depending on hope. It broke me for years till I slashed out its throat. It's something that's a fantasy never to rely on. That's a cloud that I'm done trying to fly on. I make things happen if it's in my control. But if it's not I just let things roll. All the lies, all the fallbacks & disappointment. Gave me wounds & giving up is the best ointment. I don't go for a tease I let it come to me. 'Cause I hope is a prayer for a want or a need. I don't look forward I just look as it comes. I just deal with it & stay real with it. Faithless after all the stabs & let downs. Think I'm bullshittin'? Go ahead & place your bet down. For so long I've tried to make things happen. By the time I got close it was already crappin'. I'm not here trying to tell you to quit. But as for me hope's just a bitch. So, I let things be & see what they show. Never again will I believe in hope. No, NEVER again will I believe in hope.

(chorus) Backstabbed me. Called me family. Ya lie, ya use, now get away, who? Took some time now I see the lies & how they came true. Denied though I knew you went behind my back to our crew. You were fake from the getty-get I just got sick of it. All the shit you made me believe was an act. Make wanna bust your head & leave you with a cast. Tired of yo stories, I'm tired of yo' ass. You put on that bullshit an made me believe. I never did much about it I let it be. Thought we were brothers, but I was the 1 always givin'. I'm moving away from that fucked up way of livin'. You had no intention as mine to be dawgs. Well now I finally see things coming outta your fog. You taking free handouts mooching away. But you were my skillet I had nothing to say. But years later I awoke now I spoke you're a joke. It's adios fucker that's your last chance 'ho. I let squabs go 1, 2, 3, 4, how many times? Damn I forget yo, ain't a homie you ain't shit bro. Who put the knife in my goddamn back? For that you'll get your skull & heart cracked 'cause I'm quick to snap. Deal with the outcome & accept the fact. Because I'm not about to fall for another childish trap. Understand bitch I'm not you're friend. So, you're better off to stop trying & pretend, that's the end. No reconcile, ya blew it I'm done going through it screw it. With your transparent self I can see right through it. How many times did I buy ya smokes & give ya rides? Ungrateful busters like you always lie. I can't wait till someone gives you a turn. Thought we was tight like we had a plight. If that's how you're always gonna be like, I'm pullin' out my knife. & cuttin' your punk cheap greedy ass out my life Don't flip the script 'cause I'm not that foul. I kick myself every time I called you my pal. So, here's what's up now. Fuck with someone sadistic ya get your shit ripped! Watch me inflict your neck & your slit wrists. 'Cause I won't put up with this. Obey this motherfuckin' warning, don't miss this. Here's my ass hater, come here & kiss this. 'Cause a backstabber ain't nothing but bitch shit.

It was just anuther night with the gun in my mouth. Got nothing in my mind but decaying doubts. People don't come near me, that's your warning. This is how I feel every night, every morning. Crisis is life, life is crisis, pain embalms me as I recite this. I don't like this & I might just flip I hope not. If I do, someone could be shot. So, I keep away in my lonesome cave. & watch myself go to hell under this plague. Hey, you can call me negative & all that. But I know my fate too well so understand & step back. Tuck in my clip 'cause I'm about to dip. So please someone don't be stupid 'cause I'm anxious to rip Toss the coat on & bounce. I see some fools sippin' hits by the ounce. Walk in the store & grab a 2 then some prick squashed my shoe. He rushed off & got in his ride I jumped inside. & asked him as I held my grip "Why don't ya watch where you're going bitch?!" He tried to run away but quickly got caught. I start pullin' on the trigger slowly & pulled the first shot. Blasted his ass then I checked him for cash, gotta get my ass back home so I start to dash. Put my grip back in my hip. I told you goddamnit, I don't need this shit. Just anuther night... So, I'm chillin' on the couch watchin' tv. Wish I had someone to hold & watch it with me. But bitch please can't nothing switch things. Well, nothing ever seems to get better it's been years & I see. That there's just no one out there for V. Some disagree but that's what I believe. Ain't nothing gonna change, I'm alone & deranged. I sit back with a strap in my lap wishing I could peel my cap. Depressed, eternally a mess. You call me a loser, ya damn well bet. Ain't no escape from this fate. People like choosing me to be the one to hate. I watch my back but people still stab. When it's all done, I'll be more then glad. Death is the only answer for this cancer. But I'll wait it out & fight, even though there's no point, right?

I'm waking up from a night filled with bad dreams. Dazed & confused born to lose, the same damn things. I try to walk but I'm feeling pains I've never felt. Can't describe it, cannot hide it, somethin' better help. Had dreams of gettin' crept on with near kills. I know it was just a dream, but it feels real. I'm gettin' phone calls over & over. But nobody called, I pop some gink to get my head up on my shoulders. So, I unplug the phone to help me ignore it. Today my dogs are doing more barking than normal. I don't know what the hell they hear, or those bastards see. To tell the truth I feel someone's after me. (Chorus) I know you're there don't know where I know you're after me. I feel your presence so unpleasant & your laughter reaps. Battling my mind to get rid of you. I know you're there but I'm not falling for what you try to do. I know you're there don't know where I know you're after me. Man I'm stressin' feelin' tested with a mass disease. I'm losin' my mind to get rid of you. I know you're there but I'm not falling for what you try to do. [load & cocks gun] It's like I'm high but I haven't touched a single thing. Perhaps my head is just piled up with evil things. Last night the moon turned 3 colors. Now today I feel strange as a motherfucker. I got myself worked up so I'm worse on edge. Dusk light fills my house thoughts burn through my head. I'm feeling haunted as I sit listening to the wind. Walkin' through the hallway feelin' chills hit my skin. Hearing groans & moans all through my home. Now I'm trippin' hard ready to shred some dome. I scream out "Who the fuck is there?!" Dead silence, feelin' tingles through my hair. Lost in my ass kickin' dilemmas. I can't break through my demons but I better. Paranoid & I'm losing every bit of strength. Asking myself "what the fuck mane?!" Should I just fill my head spill the red? To end this horror & kill the spread? I'm feeling sicker by the minute. In the corner in my mouth, barrel of the 9 in it. I aim a shot dead at their fuckin' head. I run toward where they fell but nothin' bled. I swear to god someone's after me I'm not trippin'. Because I know that sound, my clock's tickin'. Hesitant I don't know what to do shit. Sittin' on my bed listenin' for any movement. Through the window I seen 2 eyes glowing. Ran outside & unloaded all my bullets. Ah nah it's my brother on the ground. Laying there bleeding from every 1 of my rounds. I grab my forehead asking, "Why did this have to be?" I can't figure it out but someone's after me.

Warped, ignored, held responsible when you don't heed my warns. 'Cause fools make me sick I hear punks talking shit. They don't know anything or the facts, they ain't ready when I snap. Feel me on that level 'cause it's how I act. Banging my head through your expensive kitchen table. Jacked up is what I'm labeled, a fucker like myself unstable. Don't approach, don't get too close 'cause what I was. Memories that had me totally fuckin' nuts. Now I live it like it's mine, that's how I'm comin' on this track. Any fuck out there gets beat down or hacked. To shit I'm down like this I'm sick like a slit wrist. People still start a lotta shit, that's why I get pissed. I'm looking like something that should be locked in a zoo. You all got your rumors about me but fuck you. I wrote the title of betrayal sick like suicidal. With a temper like a candle wick, light it up get stomped & kicked. Not afraid decayed in many ways. Endured some intense suffering from my darkest days. Full of hate use it for those who unlock my gate. I'm not objected to a deserving rape I forsake. The guilty one's acting impeccable live in denial. I keep you on file only go so far with reviles. Satan means nothing I see him in reflections. Can't skool me on it 'cause I'm locked in detention. You call me a freak from the appearance I present. Well, ain't you smart, that's why the name is VECT. Disrespect me test me your fuckin up. Let me wet things like your dome I'm buckin up. But I'm saving my bullets I'm just molestin' your mind. I'm creepin' & crawling in there till I'm making you cry. (chorus) You wanna know about disturbing? Well, take a look at this. So, let everyone know 'cause I lay it real thick. Don't tamper with a maniac I wouldn't have to trip. Shouldn't fuck with a mind dark & crooked that is sick. Seed of evil born into hate. You don't wanna be enemies acknowledge what I say. If you're asking me questions to grasp me label. Then ya better step off & don't come back later. If you're calling me something that I'm not even about. I'll attack like I'm straight out the goddamn pound. Ready to roll on a whole set by myself. & take 'em all down if I can with nobody's help. Walk into your house with that upside down cross. Say "Wussup" to ya mama as I stare down her bra. As she looks at me thinking the worst. Interrupt her thoughts saying "Yes, a mistake at birth!". 'Cause I don't give a hell or a shit what you hate. I'd never change if I could so don't bother to wait. The microphone is my sidekick. Spittin' my evilness all up in your face & I hope ya like it I take the blame only for what I do. If it's true 'cause I don't fall for scams, fuck you! Oh & please keep your child on silence. Or I'll give you a sample of my out bursting violence. Willing to bash a 'ho, trash a 'ho, blast a 'ho, insult, rob & gash the 'ho. Let me say I don't fear a name, don't play any games. Evil pumps throughout my veins a misfit trying to to find his way. Handle bullshit like Richard K. Won't let it end it till it's in the fuckin' grave. No mercy for scumbags that's how I behave. Those I can't trust I recommend ya stay away. Don't care if you think I'm a piece of trash. Hit like a car crash spread my shit like a rash. I'll do what I feel is right fuck your god. Save your preaching I don't care to hear about some fraud. .... Yeah...VECTeezy...makin' ya sick!

I seen all your pain, it could never match mine. So sympathetic for every one of your wack lies. Beckoned for your help when you were my oxygen. You went for self when you used me for help. Sticking around for you to laugh in my face. I embraced every little moment of faith. Shoulda saved myself the pain & left you to die. Thought I lived for you, but you left me hell inside. I couldn't break away, you were my savior but being in love with you was sliding down the razor. Your disgusting heart-breaking behavior. Backstabber lie-telling traitor, always the slaver. Called me the bad guy after all your cynical hypocrisy. It made me repulsed you meant a lot to me. Live with the nails you hammered in my soul. Your turn to drown as karma takes a toll. (Chorus) Leave me to drown when I made you strong. Leave me to drown it was all about you. Leave me to drown God, you did me wrong. Leave me to drown in my love for you. Killin' me slow, you're the reason. The hate for myself, you're the reason. No more screamin', I stopped breathin' You're the reason I drowned. You still come around a burden to my life. Thank goodness that I never made you my wife. My hate is all you have; you torched my heart. No use talking to a dead man in the dark I'm not there, I died in the river of your cruelty. When the same day comes, I'll smile, you'll see. All the tears of mine I tried to swim through. Coulda kept me whole if you were the tissues. & I know you plead me; I know you need me. Pain ongoing, how's it feel to be me? Now that I died, I came back changed. I hope your tortured by your mistakes every day. Thinking of our future how much you meant to me. Broke the chains of a false destiny. I never needed anything like I needed you. But that's dead in the past & you were untrue. When that day arrives.... you'll sink to the bottom as I did, like my love...

Let me tell y'all a little story.....of how it all began. Started in the summer of 1995. Pops re-married to someone I despised. I tried to make everything great or all right. Then peaked the solution of suicide. Fought it off every time it came. I was the one the finger pointed at for the blame. Tried to take it couldn't break it felt completely naked. Shit kept changin' no matter if I forsaked it. Pushed & bullied in & outta school. I never defended myself I felt like such a fool. Looked down upon no one had my back. Defense I lacked every day from all directions I got smacked. Then moms always berated & hated. Screamed at whenever she got bombed or faded. Screamed at by everyone & always provoked. Laughed at me 'cause I was just a joke. (Chorus) All I kno is pain. All I feel is rage. How can I escape? When I all I hold is pain? All I kno is pain. I can't get away. Nothing more to gain. All I kno is pain. My world demolished by 2 new comers. Can't say I lost him, but I never knew my brother. When those 2 moved in they took my life away. Treated me like garbage & I couldn't find a way. Moving right into more it followed with my friend's deaths. God, please help me end this. My own family didn't care nor understand. They had no clue about this pain in another man. Portals of delusions causing extra confusion. Mind is fusing with abusing myself, only music helps. I put faith in God, but he wasn't there. There was only me the clouds & thin air. I was the sk8pegoat no matter where the hell I was. Constantly challenged, kept losing my balance. 8 years & more betrayed by everyone. Pops sometimes forgot he even had a son. If I could shut this down I would luv nothing more. But I can't get away, can't heal or cover these sores. Sucks when the only 1 that gets you is you. Swarmed with attitude's when you express your best gratitude. Even when ya do what ya have to do & have to move. With guilt trips & arrogance, I've had it dude. Having ongoing painful dreams, it seems. Someone's pushing till I die with my last fatal scream. God, I hurt so much I can hardly cry anymore. I'm in a hate ocean I ain't bragging ain't boasting. The ache falls over me an illness I can't rid. Feel me on my plague I hope you're understanding this. My stories aren't a sweet taste they're sugar-free. The shit I faced I wish you all coulda seen. I don't know why I proceed. guess I'm a fighter. Don't understand it my days never gain brighter. Can't trust a soul that's why I roam alone. Every time I let' em close I had thrown control. So hard, but I gotta just hold my own. Building vigilance when my girls & bro's turn foes. All the times of agony I tried to keep avoidin'. Then I slowly mutated from all the poison. But it happens still to this very day. Some of it decreased but all I kno is pain.

It's just the m-i-c, that's all I can trust. Taking beatings from hard times trying to stand tough. Only thing I want from this life is for you to enjoy. The jams I make gettin' hands to wave. That's the 1 thing that soothes the wounds. Of this hell I burn in to remove the bruise. All I got my 1 plot I can't stop to undo the knot. Music is my angel & it's all I truly got. I love it to death & I love y'all who listen. I love y'all who gimme a chance instead of dissin' I see so many that ridicule they're pitiful & hypocritical. Idiotic individuals. Ain't a fuckin' thing ever gonna stop me. Unless you kill or drop me that I'ma make a lot see. Many times I was falling so fast & hard to my doom. But music caught me. (Chorus) Destiny, can't stop my destiny. You can't fuck with my destiny. This is tha destiny. The toughest test for me But it won't get the best of me. This is my destiny.

What is my mind? What makes my side? I don't care how I got it I take the pride. Inside & it shows in my eyes the times. Born a seed of violence & evil. Also, there for all the good people. Inside it's heaven & hell. Never was a part of the racist shell. In this world I can good enough taste the hell. Mind of a madman & good judgment, my brain cells die & different ones grow. I mess up a lotta times 'cause it just works slow. Memory unstable, "dumb" is what I'm labeled. I'm diluted but never been polluted. Years have opened my eyes. & it all went to the maniacal mind Didn't plan it, I don't understand it. Vulgar, vile, been there for a while, it grew from being on this planet. To assist & punish from this mind that's frantic. Seeing enemies & foes decomposed. Visions of pain & death with a black rose. Through all the incidents I keep my mind right. I have no fright, 'cause I lived in fear then I altered my life. Then I became someone I liked I put my guard up from abuse I took. It's a thing of pain as big as a book. 1 of the strangest, 1 of weirdest, when it comes to a friend I can be the dearest. I trust my vibes & can feel if you're devious & yes this mind's mischievous. What goes around, comes around, I'm fair with no discrimination. Prejudice isn't a part of my nation; I hold on to purification through the abrasions. Self-destructing thoughts build when my times are low & ill. But I give thanks to the mic 'cause that's the pain pill. Agnostic, I do everything I can for the ones I love. Even I'm exhausted used to be easily fooled. Had so much love to give but they weren't true. & I knew I had to move, vigilant about who's next to stab. I'll burn them before they burn me & won't be sad. But I got my eyes peeled can't roll with anyone that is not real. I'm foolish, humorous, sinister as hell, but I follow my heart true & well. Take my kindness for weakness you think I'm blind? I ain't stupid anymore, can't patronize my mind. My mind...my mind.

Wherever you are....someone tell me. Some say a life with no love is no life at all. But that's been mine every day for me. Thought I had it once, but it was make believe. The emptiness inside makes me hate to breathe. The hurt that I received that you'd take from me. I tried so hard to keep the faith in me. For so long in time I've hoped inside. Finding you would someday be shown in my life. I wished I prayed I wondered your name. I continued night after night & day after day. Lookin' at a gift I reserved when I found you. You're there in my mind but not by side. I sit in darkness & I try to push away my lonesome. I break down without you, you're the only way I'm wholesome. Gazing at my candles & envision you with me. Then I'm back to reality when it brutally hit me. (Chorus) Times like these they just aren't right. A piece of me is out there somewhere tonight. That I just do not have in my life. God, I wish you were here. Times like these they just aren't right. No matter where I look, you're nowhere in sight. That I just do not have in my life. Perfection don't exist but if you were it could. 'Cause I'm empty & hollow & broken like old wood. All I got is a mic & these dreams of you. They say there's someone for everyone but I'm here bleeding through. Wishing I knew staring long at the moon. Loneliness eating at me as a tear hits my shoe. Searching like mad, but it's worthless to bother. 'Cause every time I get close, she drops me like it's the hottest. & I've held on the longest but some call me a quitter. But let me see how long you can brawl with a heart sliver. I lay in bed thinking of you next to me in my arms. Instead, all I got is my best friend that's a dog. All my homies around me hand in hand with theirs I ask what's doing this to me, how is this fair? I feel so alone I can hear my heart break. I think it'll be my killer to end my dark days. Day after day there's thoughts of you fillin' me. But you're just a mirage of my vulnerability. Cannot I not find the area that is gray? Why must all my sunshine turn to rain? I speak to so many that claim to relate. But they jump from person to person something I hate. I'm friends with so many girls but I do not understand. They tell me they don't wanna take it further or can't. I hit up concerts & my lack of fun is this: You're not there as I'm behind ya arms wrapped up with your hips. Moving with the jam together that's bumpin' on stage. Kissin' your cheek hand in hand to something we sway. & our friendship surely would be stronger than iron. If we got that nothing would ever be caught on fire. But I'm dreaming once again so, it's time to awake. What I wouldn't give to wake up to the sight of your face.

The traits.... acting like its impeccable, like nothing occurred, it was all a mistake well.... mistakes happen I admit, but not intentionally. Cause' they aren't mistakes. World is cynical, people lie, people use, only thing is you gotta have the right hand to win the game. You give all you got...some still feel nothing's worth it, when their win gives back no gratitude or appreciation. Lies, hope, wishing, relying, hating...kind of all feels the same. Different meaning but can all crash the same. It can all break the spirit. Every day's a different article, you just wanna enjoy the headline. I have no halo on my head, but you can't see my horns. People are the biggest source to pain...what's a world? People, not a planet. A planet isn't anything but space.... population equals environment, environment equals us. To wake up with pride is a rarity. People revile any smile on your lips, 'cause they don't have their own? Or they haven't been rewarded one for their challenges? Some people build a righteous paradigm.... I've kept mine strong as steel, to find a virtue, staying militant & vigilant. ...But I will always encounter the wrath of my isolated incidents. Destiny calls.... fate blocks.... break through....at any ability.

I've done all I can to make pain disappear You wanna know about struggle? Then close your mouth & listen here. Put in the cage so, I can't turn the page. Can't anyone concede me for my ways & rage. Now death I don't fear 'cause I dropped every tear. Most the time I can't bare what I see in the mirror. Lost it all, now I fall, no more calls. & I just can't win this infinite brawl. Take me to the shadows take me to the clouds. But I can't have purity while I'm here I'm not allowed. As I burn, I continue to learn because this is just how my world turns. (Chorus) I don't know when, I don't know how. When it's gonna end, held down, unbound. Hate overthrows me no one to hold me. Love none shown me, pain still folds me. Waiting & fighting so much in this hole. I just want it to end, I just want it to go. Until then I'll try my hardest to numb the pain. Keep the pen flowing, keep the mic goin till that day. Now I live in the end without the best friend. As my feelings of hope & care painfully rend. You don't know this pain, but some can relate. By the time you try to pull me away, it'll be too late. Alone for years, I'm collecting dust. Let me wither & rot & suffer & rust. You know what I learned? There's just greed on this earth. Even when I'm generous I get hurt what's it worth? Why try & be the nice guy? It don't work. & the last thing I need around me is a heart teasing flirt. I feel I'm stuck forever won't a damn thing change? But I keep my guard strong, even if it's a waste, hey. You would only see it well in my ram shackled brain. Trying to keep my mind off this inner pain. Trying to find the best solutions, dealing with the trueness. My life never gets a way out of this pollution. Scars covering my soul, I can't take more of this fate. For bliss to find me I patiently wait. Rotted for years is my end far or near? I'm learning daily how many are scum watched by the 1-1-1. To be free & vanish agony I'd luv to know how. Every time I look to the upside it goes back down. How many times I tried to succeed but I'm spellbound. If I'm doomed in the afterlife I don't care 'cause I'm in hell now.